Whatever the Cost
by Crazy Chick 74
Summary: Summary: Lee proves how much he cares for Kara. Set sometime before Pegasus and Helo is on Galactica not Caprica.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I am not a doctor and therefore any medical views I give in the story are completely from my head and not based on actual knowledge.

Summary: Lee proves how much he cares for Kara. Set sometime before Pegasus and Helo is on Galactica not Caprica.

**Whatever the Cost**

The mission had started off so easily. It was just a simple trip to a planet in the system the fleet was currently in. They were meant to be looking for some new food sources to replenish the shortages they always faced. However, as was usually the case, things had well and truly frakked up. He could never work out why he was always surprised when things went wrong, but he always was.

He could hear the flurry of activity behind him and tried to clear his mind and focus on the task at hand. Getting back to Galactica.

"She'll be ok… she'll be ok…" he muttered.

"Raptor 459, Galactica, come in."

"Galactica, Apollo, can you put me through to Galactica Actual."

After a few seconds. "Apollo, Galactica Actual. You're back earlier than we expected, Captain."

"We ran into a couple of problems, Sir. Permission to land?"

"Cylons?"

"Negative. Requesting a medical team be present in the hangar." He glanced behind him, paling slightly. "We've a medical emergency."

"How many?" concern in his voice.

"Just one, Sir… Starbuck."

BSG

Lee paced back and forth outside sickbay. It had been a long time since they'd landed on the hangar deck, and even longer since Kara had fallen ill. He looked towards the doors into Sickbay, wondering when they'd tell him how she was. He tried to convince himself he was just concerned because she was one of his pilots – but he knew she was more to him than that. He wasn't quite up to admitting that to anyone yet though, especially not Kara. He could barely admit it to himself that often.

"Sit down Lee."

He flashed a look of annoyance at his father who was sitting patiently a few feet away from him. "How can you be so calm?"

"Major Cottle's very good at his job and he'll look after her. You pacing back and forwards isn't going to change anything."

"It'll make me feel better."

"Really? And how's that working for you? You don't look like you feel any better."

Lee scowled. "Fine, you win." He sat down next to his father.

"Tell me what happened, son."

"I'm not sure… when we landed on the planet, we split into two teams. Kara was heading the other team. It'd only been a couple of hours when one of the Marines from her team radioed through and said that she'd been taken ill. By the time we got to where they were her condition had got a hell of a lot worse. We carried her back to the Raptor and I flew us back as quickly as I could. A couple of the Marines were looking after her – there wasn't anything I could do for her. What if I didn't get her back here quick enough?"

"Let's wait and see what the Doc says, shall we?" They sat in silence for a long time.

The doors to sickbay finally opened and Doc Cottle came out. He looked about as happy as he usually did. Both of the Adama's rose to their feet to meet him. "Commander, Captain."

"How is she, Doc?" The elder man asked.

"She's definitely been better. She certainly knows how to keep me on my toes, that's for sure."

"What's wrong with her?" Lee asked.

"I was hoping you may be able to help me work that out. I'm not sure what you and those gods damn Marines did to her… but I can't work out what the hell's going on."

Lee blanched. "Major…" The Commander jumped in, pulling rank. "What do you mean you don't know what's going on?"

"Just how that sounds. It appears to be some sort of poison but as yet I'm completely unable to work out what it is and how to get rid of it."

"I'll get Colonel Tigh to speak to the Marines and try to see if we can shed some light on it."

"Can I see her, Doc?" Lee said.

"Yes, that's fine…"

BSG

Lee stepped past the curtain shielding her bed from public view. His chest felt tight and fists were clenched at his side. He looked at her, lying on the bed. It didn't look like the Starbuck… Kara… he knew… and loved. His heart beat faster, just admitting it to himself. His left hand unclenched and re-clenched. He edged forwards towards her bed, his hand reaching forward and pushing a stray bit of her hair hanging onto her face behind her ear. His other hand reached for her hand that was lying on the bed. It was cold and clammy. Another reminder this wasn't his Kara. He flinched and his grasp on her hand tightened. He pulled a chair that was nearby over to the bedside and lowered himself into it – never releasing his hold on her hand.

She really didn't look very good at all. She was really pale and yet at the same time looked flushed. He began to wonder if she'd be ok. Would they be able to work out what was wrong with her? Would Cottle be able to get a cure? What would he do if he lost her? How he wished he'd told her how he felt. Did she have similar feelings for him? Maybe it was better this way – at least this way he could fool himself and believe she did. He immediately regretted even giving that thought any time. How could he even think this was the way he wanted things to be?

He sat for a long time, just holding her hand. Thinking. She always told him he was an over-thinker… she was right. Everything was whirling around his head and he couldn't seem to get anything clear at all. Cottle's words began to creep in to the back of his head and the guilt began to filter through. While the rational part of his brain told him he was at no fault for what had happened to Kara, and there was nothing he could've done to prevent it. A large part of his head was being distinctly irrational and telling him this was all his fault. He was the one to blame… the only way to rid himself of the blame was to make Kara better. With that he strode out of sickbay, one purpose in mind.

BSG

In his office he looked for the report he knew would be there. Sure enough it was on his desk. He sat down and read it through and then read it again. A gem of an idea forming in his head. He suddenly realised what needed to be done… and he was just the man to do it. And do it he would… whatever the cost.

BSG

CIC

"Commander, we have an unauthorised launch of a Raptor from the starboard hangar deck." Dee informed him.

"Who?"

"I'm not sure, Sir, they're not responding to my hails."

The elder Adama snatched up the wireless handset. "Raptor, Galactica Actual, what're you doing?"

There was no response from the Raptor for several seconds. "Galactica Actual, Apollo."

"Give me a secure line, Petty Officer."

"Aye Sir."

"Apollo… Lee. What're you doing, son?"

"What needs to be done, Sir."

"Explain yourself, Captain."

"He's firing up the FTL drive, Sir." Gaeta suddenly said.

"Lee… don't do this. Come back on board, we can discuss whatever the issue is."

"Sorry dad. I can't do that… I've got to do this." The line was cut off.

"He's jumped away, sir."

"Damn it."

BSG

CIC

15 hours later:

"Dradis contact… Colonial transponder… its Apollo's Raptor, Sir." Dee informed Colonel Tigh who was currently in charge of CIC.

"Contact him." He replied.

"He's not responding."

"He's approaching the starboard hangar deck… he's all over the place." Gaeta informed them.

"Let the Chief and his crew know he's on his way in. Also get some Marines down there – and get Cottle to get a team down there. Something's not right about this." Tigh could feel the hairs on the back of his neck beginning to prickle. "Dee, can you go and let the Commander know what's happening."

Minutes passed. "The Raptor's down…"

"Sitrep." Adama strode into CIC.

"Apollo's Raptor has landed…" Gaeta informed him.

"In a manner of speaking…" Tigh said.

"Meaning…"

"It wasn't to his usual standards… he was coming in very hot – all over the place in fact. I've got a team of Marines down there and Cottle with a team there as well."

"I'm going down there…"

"Be careful, Bill… we don't know where he's been and there may be Cylon's in there."

By the time he arrived on the hangar deck, the Raptor was being towed, ready for unloading. "Any movement yet, Chief?" he asked as he walked up to Tyrol.

"No, the hatch should be opening any second." They both stopped and looked at the Raptor expectantly. Nothing happened. The tension in the hangar deck has risen gradually since the Commander has arrived – and it was just getting worse as the minutes went past.

"Get in that Raptor now…" Bill knew there was something wrong. His gut was telling him his son was in trouble.

The Marines moved forward, their weapons drawn. They pressed the hatch release and the door gradually opened. There was still no movement from inside. Two of the Marines headed into the Raptor. One of the Marines came back out, "We need you in here now, Doc."

Bill went over to the Raptor as soon as he heard that. He went up the ramp and entered the cabin. He was taken back by the sight that was waiting for him when he was in the cockpit area. Cottle appeared behind him and pushed past to get to the stricken pilot. One Captain Lee Adama.

"Get a gurney in here now." Cottle shouted.

They managed to get Lee onto the gurney. As they moved it passed Adama to lift him out of the raptor, Lee grabbed his hand. "Stop a minute," he said and then knelt down by his son. His other hand cupped Lee's face. "Son…"

Lee's eyes fluttered open slightly and he tried to focus on his father. "Dad…" he whispered.

"I'm here, son. What happened to you?"

"Planet… Kara… help… check… leg." Each word was a struggle to get out and once he'd spoken them he drifted away into unconsciousness.

"He's not breathing, Doc." One of the medics informed them all.

"Sickbay… NOW!" Cottle ordered.

The gurney was swiftly passed out of the Raptor to the Marines waiting outside. The medical team quickly left the Raptor and went back to the gurney. They all left the hangar deck as quickly as was physically possible. Nobody got in their way… they all moved swiftly out of the way – stunned by seeing how ill their CAG looked.

Adama stood and watched, knowing for a short while anyway there was very little he could do for his son. He was also taken aback by how his son had looked… and then he suddenly realised his son had managed to land the Raptor despite his condition. He really was an amazing pilot… and an amazing son as well. Which was something he really ought to tell him more often… especially after the events that everyone had been subjected to in the last few months. He'd already lost one son without telling him how he felt about him. He just hoped he would get a chance to tell his eldest, and only remaining, son what he meant to him. Had he left it too late?

He walked across the hangar deck, trying not to the notice the sympathetic looks from the crew. When he got to sickbay, he waited for the doctor to appear… to tell him something. He noticed the area Kara was in was near – so he went in to check on her. He took her hand in his. She really didn't look any better… but she didn't look any worse either which was a little reassuring. And he had to reflect she looked a hell of a lot better than Lee did.

He remembered the words Lee had said. If only he had been able to say more – because what he said hadn't meant much. Planet. Kara. Help. Check. Leg. As he was thinking Cottle appeared beside the bed. "How is he, Major?"

"He's not good… we've managed to get his heart started again… we've had to several times."

"Was there something wrong with Kara's leg when she came in?"

"No, should there have been? It was her hand that was injured by gods knows what."

"It was something Lee said on the way out of the Raptor… he said five words. Planet, Kara, help, check and leg."

"Then I guess I should go and check his legs then… I'll keep you informed. But so you know, he seems to have the same thing as whatever the Lieutenant here has – although his symptoms seem to be a lot more severe."

"Thanks Doc. I'll be here for a little while longer."

BSG

When the doctor re-appeared a short while later, he had a hopeful expression on his face. "Well, Commander, it seems your son is quite the hero."

"What?"

"We checked his legs. He had an injury that was similar to Thrace's on his left leg… there was a slight difference though. Whatever it was that caused the injury was still attached to the Captain's leg. We've been able to remove it from his leg and it's been taken to be tested to try and identify the toxin. Once we can identify it, we may be able to work out some sort of antidote."

"Do you know how long it'll be before we have any idea?"

"I'm afraid not. We're still trying to stabilise your son. He was obviously exposed to the toxin for much longer, so he's very weak at the moment. He must've been in a hell of a lot of pain as well. The 'creature' for want of a better word was deeply embedded into his leg. It had one hell of a grip. Once we've stabilised him and he's a little stronger I am going to have to do some extensive surgery. There's a lot of dead flesh and damage to his leg."

"Will he still be able to fly?"

"It's too early to tell at the moment. I'll try my best to ensure that he can still do so."

"He landed that Raptor almost perfectly you know, even with all of the pain. He came in a little hot, but there wasn't a scratch on the Raptor. Pretty damn impressive."

"I'd better be going. I'll let you know when I have any news, Commander."

BSG

It was hours later and Adama was finally able to see his son. Unfortunately he didn't look any better than last time he'd seen him. He actually looked worse… and Bill hadn't thought that could be possible. His skin had a greyish tinge to it that was definitely not healthy looking. Lee was hooked up to so many machines, giving him oxygen and just about anything else he needed to keep him alive.

Bill was beginning to think he wasn't going to get the chance to tell his son how he much he meant to him. How proud he was of him.

The doctor entered the area, "We have good news, Commander. We appear to have found an antidote for the toxin. The lab are synthesising enough for the Captain and Lieutenant now. We should be able to give them the medicine within the hour."

"That's great news. How long do you think it'll be before we see any response?"

"It's hard to say. You should get some rest in the meantime. Both Lee and Kara are going to need you when they come around. Lee even more so than Kara. I still have his leg to sort out once we have the toxin cleared. But they both are going to be off flight duty for quite a while yet. The poison in that creature is just about the worst we've ever seen. They're going to be weak for several weeks… possibly months. So get some rest… or do I need to make that an order, Commander?" he smiled as he said the last sentence.

"Fine. I give in… you win. Can you call me if there's any change with either of them?"

"You'll be the first to know, I promise."

Adama left sickbay and went back to his quarters. He didn't think he'd get any sleep – but he knew better than to argue with Cottle… so he'd at least try. And he knew the Doc was right, both his son and his daughter were going to need him over the next few weeks.

BSG

Circumstances began to change shortly after the first shift change of the day. And events soon were moving so rapidly, almost beyond the control of anyone. Both of the patients had been given the antidote to the toxin and the medical team were just watching and waiting for any sign that their conditions would improve.

Fortunately because of the shift change that had just occurred, the team were lucky as there was still some of the staff around from the previous shift… which was a good thing because they needed everybody they could get.

The first thing that happened was Kara regained consciousness, screaming. She began to thrash around in her bed, Cottle and his team rushed to her bedside. Two of the nurses restrained her while Cottle examined her. "Kara, can you hear me?" There was no reaction from her; she continued to struggle against the medics holding her down. "Lieutenant, speak to me."

"Help me… Lee…"

"The Captain is otherwise engaged at the moment, so I guess you're stuck with me. How can I help you, Kara?"

"Pain. It's hurts so much."

"Where?"

"Everywhere."

"I'll give you some meds for that in a minute. First though I need to examine you."

"Doctor, we have problems with the other patient. His levels are dropping dangerously low. We could do with some assistance."

"Fine, we'll swap – you check over Kara, and once you've determined there aren't issues we need to deal with, give her a dose of Morpha." Cottle quickly walked from her bed to the bed just a few feet away. "Call the Commander – you'd better tell him what's going on."

"What is going on?"

"The antidote is having an affect – but at the moment I am unsure exactly whether it's good or bad." He looked towards the pilot before him, "somehow, I think it may not be so good for the Captain here…" he muttered. He looked at the machines that were connected to Lee. The blood pressure and heart level were through the roof. His oxygen levels were falling. Cottle knew if they managed to salvage the Captain, the Commander's son, from this situation there was a real likelihood he would never be a viper pilot again. But that would be some time from now and they needed to stabilise him… again… first.

Cottle and his team worked solidly for two hours on Lee. Fighting to bring him back from the brink of death again and again. At the same time, another team was checking Kara's condition. Once she'd received the Morpha, her condition had stabilised and she was no longer in any pain.

BSG

Cottle eventually stepped out from Lee's cubicle and was greeted by his very worried father and commanding officer. Adama was not initially very comforted by the appearance of the doctor. He was covered in blood… presumably his son's… and there was a lot of it. Much more than could possibly be healthy. "I take it this isn't good news?"

"Well, it's a kind of good news, bad news situation. Lieutenant Thrace had responded as we hoped to the antidote. Apart from some residual pain, she is relatively stable. We've sedated her to give her body some time to recover from everything it's been through. Also, I didn't think she should hear what was going on elsewhere in sickbay. She asked for your son when she regained consciousness. I think if she knew what his condition was; it wouldn't help her recovery."

"And what is his condition?"

"That's the bad news I'm afraid, Sir. The antidote hasn't worked in the same way with your son. At this stage, I am unsure whether it's because of his prolonged exposure to the 'creature' or if there's some other reason. The antidote appears to be attacking all of his major organs. I've had to perform surgery on him to try to repair some of the damage. We've managed to stabilise him for the time being. His system's shutting down, we're trying our best to keep him alive… and I think he's putting up as much of a fight against this as we are… but he's extremely weak and I'm afraid it's touch and go for the time being."

Bill's heart grew heavy at Cottle's words. While he was pleased his surrogate daughter was going to be ok, he was devastated the same couldn't be said for his son. He also knew in his heart that when Kara found out about Lee, it would most likely kill her. He was aware of the feelings Lee and Kara had for each other… hell, most of the ship knew… everyone that is apart from the two of them. They had proved on many occasions how strongly they felt about each other, they may never have actually put it in words – most definitely not to each other, possibly not even to themselves – but their actions spoke a thousand words. His son wouldn't be in the condition he was in now if it hadn't been for the way he felt for Kara… and she would blame herself for it… very much in the same way as his son had done earlier. "What do you suggest we do now?"

"For now, we're making him comfortable. The lab is running more tests on the creature and they're trying to see if there's anything else that can be done. I'm afraid it's a waiting game. Do you want me to inform Thrace of the situation when she's back with us?"

"No, I'll do that. Please can you let me know when she's awake?"

"I will. I'm afraid it's probably best that you don't see your son at the moment…"

"Why not?"

"Because of his fragile condition and the rapidity of the changes that keep getting thrown at us, I haven't bothered to close him up after the last surgery. It's much better for all when his condition takes a turn for the worse, as it's most likely to do, that we don't have to waste time by opening him back up. Also this way, it should hopefully reduce the scarring. Until he's in a more stable condition and at a time when I think we won't have to operate any further, it's probably best you don't see him."

"But doctor…"

"Believe me, Commander, if Lee doesn't pull through this, this is not the way you'd want to remember your son."

"Ok, doctor. I believe you – I don't like it – but I respect what you're saying… but if it looks like he's going to… not make it, I'd like to see him one last time. There is much I want to say to him while I have the chance. I won't lose another son and miss out on the opportunity to say goodbye to him."

"I will make sure you get that chance, Commander, I promise. And my team and I will do everything we can to try to ensure that you won't have to go through that. As soon as I've any further news, I'll let you know."

BSG

Adama walked wearily out of sickbay and back to CIC. Once there he was greeted by his senior staff and the president of the twelve colonies. "How are things, Bill?" Saul Tigh asked.

"Madame President, I wasn't expecting a visit from you today."

"Commander Adama, I heard about the conditions of Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Thrace and came to see how they were and to offer you my support." She put a hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Lieutenant 'Helo' Agathon appeared nearby, "How are Kara and Lee, Sir?"

"Kara's going to be fine…" He stopped there and what he didn't say spoke volumes to the people surrounding him.

"And Lee…?" Tigh asked the question no one wanted to ask.

"He's got worse. It's not clear whether he'll get better."

"Don't you want to spend some time with him, Bill?" Tigh was concerned; he knew what the loss of Lee would do to the old man in front of him. "We can manage here. You should be with your son."

The pain could be seen on his face. "Cottle says it's probably best I don't see him in his current condition." He took off his glasses and pinched his brow, squeezing his eyes shut. He had the beginnings of a headache. "He says that I won't want to remember Lee this way." Gasps could be heard throughout CIC and the atmosphere became even more subdued. "So, I need to work… I need to think about something else until Kara wakes up and I have to tell her about Lee."

"We're currently trying to locate another planet within this system which may help replenish our resources. Two Raptors are currently out scouting out an area which we've yet to investigate." Tigh respected his friend's request and gave him a situation update. "They're due back in wireless range in about half an hour. So we should have some news by then."

"That's good. Well keep me informed, Colonel. Laura, would you like to come to my office with me. There are some things I think we need to discuss."

"Certainly, Commander."

BSG

As she slowly opened her eyes, she realised where she was and groaned. She could feel that someone was holding her hand. "Lee…" she whispered.

"I'm afraid not, Kara… will an old man be a good substitute?"

She smiled and turned her face towards him. "What happened?"

"You were injured on the planet. We've been struggling to make you better – but you should make a full recovery in no time. You just need a couple of weeks to build up your strength again."

"So what happened to me? Was anyone else injured?"

"Some sort of creature bit and infected you with a pretty potent toxin…" his voice died away.

"There's something you're not saying… I know you too well, Sir." He didn't say anything. He took her hand in both of his and looked at them – trying to take strength from them. "Please tell me… it can't be that bad…" Again more silence. She looked at his face and she knew. "It's Lee isn't it? Tell me… Dad… please…" A tear trickled down her cheek, the worry was etched on her face.

"When you first came back, the Doc was unable to work out what was exactly wrong with you. He said a few things which he shouldn't have done. I should have talked to Lee afterwards but I left him on his own. It was a mistake. He sat with you for quite a while and the next thing I knew he was leaving the ship on a Raptor. Nobody knew where he'd gone. He returned about 15 hours later. We had to go into the Raptor once he'd landed because he didn't come out." Again he couldn't say any more… he wasn't sure how to say it without breaking her heart.

She gave his hands a squeeze, "Go on."

He felt guilty that she was trying to give him comfort at this moment. "He was barely conscious. The medical staff all worked on him to try and stabilise his condition. He managed to say a couple of words to me as they took him out of the Raptor and from that we worked out that he'd also been bitten by another one of the creatures that'd bitten you. One of the reasons Cottle couldn't work out what the toxin was, was because one of the Marines had removed the creature from you. Lee came back having been bitten on the leg, with one of the creatures still attached. Because he was exposed to the toxin for longer, he was really ill. I still have no comprehension of how he managed to land that Raptor – but he did, it was a perfect landing."

"But I'm better now, so the Doc must've worked out how to treat us."

"They did develop an antidote and you were both given it."

"Then why is he not here? Where is he?"

"He's at the other end of sickbay. The antidote hasn't worked on him the same way it did for you. They're still trying to work out why not. It could just be because he was exposed to the toxin longer so it's taking longer to react to clear it up. But he's really sick."

"How bad?" She said it in such a quiet voice, she could barely be heard.

"We may lose him, Kara. All of his major organs are being attacked by the toxin for some reason. Cottle has had to operate on him to try and clear up the damage even though he's too weak for the surgery."

"I want to see him."

"I don't think Cottle will let you see him. He says that if he dies, we won't want to remember Lee that way." His eyes filled with tears. "I think we need to prepare ourselves for the worst, Kara." Her body was shaking uncontrollably as tears poured down her face. "I wish things were different, but I think we're going to lose Lee."

"This is my fault."

"NO! Do not blame yourself… ever. Lee would never do that, so you shouldn't either."

"But the only reason he's in this mess is because of me. If I hadn't got injured on the planet, he never would've gone back and he wouldn't be dying now."

They sat there for quite a while, offering and taking support from each other. Cottle came in to check on her. "Well Lieutenant, you're going to be fine. You can be out of here in a couple of days… and once you have your strength back up, you should be back on the roster in two or three weeks."

"Doc, I need to see him. Please let me see him."

Sympathy flashed over his face. "Lieutenant… Kara… he's in no condition for you to see him."

"But he needs us… he needs me. If I'm there he'll get better, I know it." She sat up and started to get out of the bed.

Cottle moved forward and tried to push her back. "Kara, you need to recuperate."

She shoved him out of the way and rushed out into the middle of sickbay. She spotted an area that was curtained off at the far end of sickbay. She staggered towards it and edged through the curtain. She looked at the man before her and barely recognised him. He was a mess. His face was strained and yet as she looked at him, also bizarrely looked at some kind of peace. She stepped forward and then stopped. With that step she'd looked at him a little closer… had looked at the rest of him. She saw the gaping wound that was still open on his stomach and chest. Her gaze flickered back to his face and the tears started to fall down her face again. She finally reached his bedside and raised a shaky hand to touch his face. She leaned forward and kissed him briefly on the lips. She ran her fingers through his hair and caressed him tenderly. She trailed kisses down his face and moved her mouth towards his ear and softly whispered. "Lee, it's me. Thank you so much for what you did. I'm so grateful for what you've done for me. I wish I could do something for you in return." She rested her face against his and closed her eyes. "Lee, you've got to get better, for me. Your father needs you. I need you. I love you Lee. I need you here with me. I can't do this without you. Please come back to me." Her despair became too much and she slid to the floor. She put her head in her hands and began to rock backwards and forwards.

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her towards them. For a second she thought that it was Lee, but when she looked up, it was into the face of her friend, Helo. He scooped her up into his arms and walked her back towards her bed. Once she was on the bed, she dissolved into tears, curling up into a foetal position.

She stayed that way for a long time. People came and went. All of them sitting by her bedside; there for her when she needed them. But she largely ignored them. She wasn't interested. She didn't need them. She needed and wanted only one thing… one person… and he was beyond her reach.

She laid there almost catatonic. Unable to function. Unable to respond to anything and anyone. Waiting for him. Pleading with the Gods, that they'd hear her and make him better… bring him back to her.

She wasn't the only one who was praying to the Gods. All of the crew of Galactica were hoping and anxiously waiting for there to be some change in Apollo's condition. Their race had already lost so many people, but no one was sure if the fleet could survive the loss of their two bravest warriors. They wanted a miracle and prayed for it, because they knew that the cost of losing these two was too great, it would spell the end and that was something no one was willing to face.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Nothing changed for a long time. Kara remained much as she had. She refused to do anything. The medical staff were eventually forced to intervene and put her on a drip so she absorbed some nutrients. All of her friends sat with her. She was never left alone. Even Colonel Tigh spent some hours with her. He wouldn't ever admit it but he was as worried about her, as the rest of the fleet were. He respected her both as a pilot and an officer. He knew that if they lost her it would be devastating to the fleet.

But she didn't react to anyone. A visit from Bill Adama was the first time they got a response out of her. It wasn't the first time he'd seen her since he'd had to tell her about Lee's condition but it was the first time since then that any reaction was achieved. He'd been sitting with her for a while and he was reaching the end of his patience. He wanted her to fight this. To fight for life.

"Cottle's just given me an update on Lee." Her eyes flickered to him for a fraction of a second. "If you want to know how he is; you're going to have to ask me." His eyes remained focussed on her face. He was taking a risk but he needed to do something. The way things were going; shortly he'd have no family left. Again for a few seconds her eyes found his. She held his gaze and he held his breath; hoping this would be a sign she wasn't going to ignore him. He remained resolute; she was going to have to ask him about his son. He wasn't going to back down and give her the information she so clearly desired. He stood and walked to her bedside, resting his hands on the bed beside her. His eyes flickered down to them as two of her fingers rested themselves on one of his hands. He moved his gaze back to her face, tears pooling in his eyes; eyes that were so like his son's. "Ask me, Kara. Please." He wasn't above begging; anything to get her to say something. "I mean it; I won't tell you until you ask."

Her fingers were joined by the rest of her hand. It grasped his; hers was shaking a lot. In a barely a whisper she finally said something. "Please."

He was so taken back she'd actually spoken, that he didn't react for almost thirty seconds. Her grip on his hand tightened and it was enough to bring him back to awareness. "He's been stable for several hours now." He could see the relief wash over her face and he knew he was about to take it all away again. "He's not getting better, Kara. He just isn't getting any worse either. Cottle says we should take that as a good sign." Sobs began to shake her body. He wasn't sure if it was relief or distress. He looked at the woman in front of him that he'd come to think of as a daughter and swept her up into his arms. For many a minute they remained that way.

"I need to see him, dad." Her voice was still so quiet.

"I told you what the doctor said. Last time you saw him, it did you more harm than good. Is that something you really want to go through again?"

"I need to. I still believe that if I'm there, he'll be aware of me. I can help him just by being there." He looked her in the face and could see she was serious. "I promise I'll behave. I'll be a good patient and do everything that's asked of me, but I need to be there with him. Please."

It was the last word that made his decision for him. "I'll see what I can do." He kissed her on the top of her head and left her temporarily. He returned a few minutes later. "The Doctor has reluctantly agreed. A nurse will be bringing in a wheelchair for you to use shortly." At the look that appeared on her face. "It was the only way Cottle would agree. Anyway I don't think you're strong enough to get there under your own steam."

"How long has it been? Since he came back to Galactica."

"Almost 48 hours. He's been relatively stable for the last eight hours."

"You said the toxin was attacking his organs. Is that still the case? Have they worked out how to get it to stop?"

"Yes, it's still having a major effect on his body and no one currently can work out why. The President put out a call to the fleet for any scientists to come to Galactica and assist with the investigation. There are four of them currently working on adjusting the antidote with the hope that he'll respond to it better."

Helo then appeared around the curtain with the wheelchair. "Taxi for Miss Thrace." He said with a smile.

She looked pensive suddenly. "Can you both come with me?" The three of them shared a look and both the men nodded their heads. Helo lifted her in his arms and placed her gently in the chair that he'd brought in. To her credit, she didn't put up a fight. A nurse came in and set up the IV so that it could be taken with her. Then Helo moved behind the chair and pushed it out into the main part of sickbay. Adama walked slowly behind them. This would be the first time he'd seen his son since he'd returned in the Raptor. He was slightly apprehensive. He still remembered the words Cottle said to him just over twenty four hours earlier. 'You won't want to remember your son this way.' He knew the next few minutes were going to be some of the toughest of his life.

He wasn't wrong. Not for the first time in the last hour his breath was taken away as he stepped into the area where his eldest son was. He knew he'd look bad and he thought he'd prepared himself for the sight that was waiting him. But he'd seriously underestimated just how bad he'd look. His eyes fixed on his son's torso. There was still a gaping wound which appeared to be packed with gauze. The wound was large and he could see a lot of blood. Against the pale flesh of the rest of his son's body, it was a striking comparison. His son's pallor didn't look as grey as he had the last time he'd seen him which Bill took to be reassuring, but he was still shocked to the core at his appearance. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to the young officer that was also present in the room.

The hand squeezed gently and Karl Agathon gave his superior officer as reassuring a smile as he could muster. He'd also been taken back by the appearance of the young man on the bed before him. This was the first time that he'd seen Lee since he'd been taken ill. The last time he'd been in this part of sickbay, he was so focussed on Kara collapsed on the floor that he hadn't really taken in how Lee'd looked. What he saw now was, quite simply, frightening. He turned his eyes to the woman sitting by the bed. It was another sight that was truly humbling. It gave him an insight into how his friend felt about this man.

She was sitting looking at the face of the man before her. She didn't pay attention to anything else in the room. She was talking quietly, too quietly for him to be able to pick out any of the words; but he could tell from the tone she was using that the words she was saying were gentle, tender words onlyfor the ears of the man that she loved. It was a rare thing to see Kara this way; to his knowledge she rarely showed this side of herself to anyone, but then she seemed completely oblivious to the presence of anyone else. He turned his attention back to the older man standing to his left and saw that his gaze was also fixed on the couple before them. It was almost as if he was seeing them both in this way for the first time. They were both stunned by the way the usually brash and loud-mouthed pilot was acting. It was a beautiful thing to see and both men were moved by it. Both of them took a seat a small distance behind the pair; there to support Kara if she needed them.

As soon as Helo had pushed her into the room, her full attention had been on Lee. He wheeled her right up to the bed, which must've been lowered by the nurses before she arrived so she could see over the top of it. She took in the length of his body and saw the extent of the wound that marred what she saw; his left leg was also swathed in bandages and realised there was also damage to it that she couldn't see. Her gaze and focus quickly returned to his face.

Her hand touched his face; there was slight stubble on his cheeks and she grazed her fingers against it. His face had a sallow look to it but it was better than she'd seen last time she was here. His closed eyes were surrounded by dark circles and she wished intently that he'd open his eyes so she could see the brilliant blueness of them. She remembered the first time she'd seen him; she'd been struck by his eyes before anything else about him.

"Lee, it's me again. I was just thinking about the first time I met you. I think I fell in love with you that day. I didn't even know you but you were completely unlike any other man I'd ever met. I've always loved you Lee and I should've told you that all those years ago." Her hand ran back into his hair and flattened some strands that were out of place.

"I've never loved anyone the way I love you and I think that scared me. I think I knew that if I admitted to you how I felt, you'd say the same thing back to me. I'm not used to people saying those things to me. Very few people ever have and they always end up leaving. First there was my father. I even said it to your brother. It was true how I felt about him, even though I felt more for you, but he left me too. You need to be the one that's different, Lee; you need to stay. You can't leave me as well. I can't lose you. I need you to fight this, fight for me, fight for us."

She lowered her face to his and kissed his cheek. She then put her head on the pillow beside his and just lay there watching him. She was vaguely aware of the two men in the room leaving her alone with Lee. She was fine now, she was with Lee; she'd be there for him through this. For now and forever.

BSG

Kara stayed with him for many hours. The nurses and Doc Cottle came and went, checking on his condition and hers. Cottle noticed the pilots both seemed to be improving. He couldn't understand why the younger Adama was slowly getting better but it definitely appeared to be the case. Kara'd been sitting with him for about eight hours when Cottle re-entered the area. He checked the machines that were next to the bed and then turned to Kara. "I've just spoken to the Commander. He'll be here shortly."

"Is there something wrong?" she asked, worry evident in her voice.

"No, in fact quite the opposite; Lee's condition has improved significantly over the last few hours." She shifted her gaze to the man being discussed and Cottle became vaguely uncomfortable on seeing the love that was shining from her eyes towards the man. "The scientists believe they may have found out why the antidote didn't help him and have adjusted it. They think if we were to introduce this drug into his system now, we'd see further improvement in a relatively quick time. The Commander has given me the go-ahead to give him the medication. I'd like it if you agreed with this approach as well." His voice was gentle and Kara looked at him with surprise. "I may be a gruff old man, Kara, but I recognise when two people love each other. Apart from his father, you're the closest thing Lee has to family. You're obviously very important to him; you mean a great deal to him; he put himself in this position because he cares for you a lot. As such I want you to be okay with me giving him this medicine."

"What're the risks? Is there a chance it could make him worse again?"

"I won't lie to you; there's a possibility it may not have the effect that we'd like. But in my medical opinion we need to do something. He can't stay as he is now forever. He's in a much more stable condition now than he was when we gave him the original antidote. We need to break the status quo somehow. I think this antidote should do that."

She looked back at Lee. She heard his father enter the room behind her and turned to look at the Old Man as well. She saw the strength she needed in the face of the older man. She turned back to Cottle, "Okay, Doc. It's fine with me for you to give him this medicine."

"Thank you Lieutenant." He nodded his head at the Commander. "I'll be back shortly."

She was facing the bed again, looking at Lee's face, but her next words were to the man behind her. "Do you really think he'll be okay?"

"I really do Kara. You were right earlier. I think he's aware you're here. I've been getting updates from the Doctor and since you've been sitting here, the situation has improved drastically. The Doc says that if the antidote appears to be working and he remains stable, then he'll operate on him to close him up and as long as he's strong enough, look at his leg as well. This is a positive step, Kara." He crouched by the wheelchair she was still sitting in. "This is all possible because of you. You've saved my son." He placed an arm around her shoulders. "I can never thank you enough."

A lump formed in Kara's throat at his words and she blinked away the tears that had formed. "I love him, Dad. More than anything else." She lowered her eyes briefly. "More than I did Zak." She paused, aware her words may cause the older man some pain. "The way I feel about Lee is different to anything I've felt for anyone. That doesn't mean I didn't love Zak. I did, I still do; it's just a different love to what I feel for Lee."

"I understand Kara. Both my sons have been very lucky men."

They stopped their conversation as Cottle returned with a syringe. He injected it into the IV that was feeding into Lee's arm. "We should know if there's any effect in the next couple of hours. Let me know if there's any change." He knew neither of the people before him would be leaving this bedside for a while yet; whatever he said.

BSG

The next few hours passed slowly. Neither Kara nor Bill could see any discernable changes to the condition of the man they cared for. But Doctor Cottle was pleased with the way his patient was responding to the drug; while they could see no improvement, a change was occurring. The drug was working. Soon he'd be able to operate on the young man and then it was just a case of getting the man through his recuperation. He was still unsure if they'd be able to save his leg; currently he was just pleased that he wouldn't have to tell the two officers that were just over the other side of the room there was nothing they could do for the pilot; that he'd die. Nobody liked to be the person that had to break that news to a family; but in this case it was even more prevalent.

He moved over to where they were seated. "I'd like to operate on Lee now, if you both agree. I think he's stable and strong enough for the surgery and I'm pleased with how he's reacted to the antidote." He looked at them expectantly.

They both shared a quick look and then nodded at the doctor. "How long will the surgery take, Doctor?" Bill asked.

"A few hours, I should imagine. Until I see the extent of the damage to his leg and what I need to do, I simply can't give you a better estimate than that. I'll make sure one of my nurses keeps you both informed during the procedure though."

"About his leg; will he still be able to fly, Doc?" Kara asked. She knew flying was very important to him.

"Again, that's something that I can't say at this time. I'll try my best to ensure he'll still be able to; but I really can't make any promises. The damage may be too great." He hated having to be so pessimistic but he needed to make sure they didn't get their hopes too high. "We'll begin the surgery within the hour. I'll go now and make the preparations."

"Thank you Major."

BSG

Helo, Bill and Laura all sat with Kara while they waited for the surgery to finish. The tension in the room was palpable. All of them were tense; and while they were all there for each other, very little conversation was taking place. Each of them was deep in thought, thinking of what the outcome of the operation would be.

Kara was nervously picking at the bandage on her arm that covered the wound left by the creature from the planet. There was a knot in her stomach that seemed to be growing as time passed. She glanced at the clock on the wall for what must've been the twentieth time in the last five minutes. It'd been just over three hours since the operation had begun and each minute seemed to have taken an hour to pass. She was worried about him; she was worried about them. If he could never fly again; would he blame her? Would it mean he wouldn't want to be with her? If that was the case, he may leave Galactica for another ship within the fleet and he may never want to see her again. Tears flowed down her face and she swiped them away hoping no one else in the room had noticed them.

Laura was looking at the man sitting beside her. He seemed to have aged a great deal over the last few days. She knew he was suffering and she hoped her being there was offering him some support. She thought back to the first time that she'd met Captain Apollo and she smiled to herself. He'd seemed such a reserved young man, but there was a spark of genius that day that'd shown her his true potential. He'd lived up to that potential many times since then. She thought of him as a son; she had no family to speak of; she hadn't even before the events that led them to their current situation. She knew this young man was the future of the fleet; both him and the pilot sitting on the bed just a few meters from her. She looked at her now. She saw her wipe at her face, brushing away tears that must've fallen from her eyes. Her heart went out to the young girl in this woman's body. She could see she was a lot more vulnerable than she usually let anyone see. Whatever happened over the next couple of hours, Laura vowed to be there for these people. She thought of them all as family and she would be there for them in the good times and the bad.

Karl was worried about his friend that was sitting on the bed before him, the friend that was currently trying to make sure no one could see the tears that had fallen down her face. The last few hours had been rough on everyone that was in the room. He remembered the look on Kara's face as they took Lee away to perform the surgery on him. She'd become very quiet as soon as he'd been taken. Not that she'd exactly made a lot of noise before; but she seemed to have withdrawn into herself even further. He was also worried about the other pilot. He knew the impact it would have on him if he lost his ability to fly. Lee was famous for being controlled and reserved. Some people; those that didn't know him well; would describe him as ice-cool. The only time that description could never be used in relation to the young man was when he was flying a Viper. Even more so if he happened to be flying with Kara. He seemed to come alive when he was in the air. For a short while he lost the pressures that weighed heavily on his shoulders; the pressures of being CAG; those of being responsible for the small number of pilots that remained and for the safety of the fleet; those of being an Adama. He had got to know Lee very well over the months and he knew Lee placed more pressure on himself in that regard than anyone else ever did. He made a resolution that if the Doc was able to repair the damage to Lee's leg, he'd help him with his physical therapy. He'd also help both Lee and Kara, ensuring they could explore the beginnings of the relationship they seemed to be about to embark on without interruption or hindrance from anybody else.

Bill was thinking about the times he'd never been there for either of his sons. He'd missed a great deal of both their childhoods. He hadn't even been there for the birth of his eldest son. All this was something he deeply regretted. He couldn't remember why but at the time, he thought that by bettering himself within the military and spending time away from his family in order to achieve that goal; was the best thing he could do for his family. Now he knew he should've been there for both his sons. There was so much he'd missed with Zak. Time he would never get now since his death. His death had also been the instigation of the rift with his eldest son; a two year rift that was only now beginning to heal. His eldest son had always been more passionate about everything than his brother. Zak was always much more easy going; a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. However, it was the passion within his eldest son that made him who he was; the person that loved and was loved by Kara. It made him the officer he was; the pilot he was; the son he was so proud of. He promised to himself they would have a conversation once he was strong enough and he'd tell that young man exactly what he meant to him, both as a Commander and more importantly as a father.

BSG

Finally after six and a half hours, more hours than any of them would ever want to relive, Lee had been brought out of surgery. Cottle came to see the four anxious people that were waiting for him to appear. All of them, except for Kara, rose to their feet as he walked up. "He's come through his surgery well." A sigh of relief was breathed around the room. "I closed his chest and stomach after repairing the damage to his major organs. I then started on his leg. The damage was pretty severe. I had to remove a lot of dead tissue and some of the muscle had to be cut away as well, it was just beyond repair." He saw Kara had paled significantly at that comment.

The Commander asked the question that the Doctor was expecting. "What are his chances of making a full recovery?"

"Surprisingly high given what he's been through. I won't lie to you; it's going to take a lot of work from him and support from his family and friends; but with enough time, I don't think it's beyond him to be as he was just a couple of days ago."

"So he'll still be able to fly?" Kara asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"I just can't say at this stage, Kara. It depends on how much he responds to the physical therapy. If he does, it'll be several months before he can even step foot in a Raptor, let alone a Viper." Her face fell. "But it's not an absolute no at this stage, which is better than we could've hoped for a few hours ago. You should be able to see him soon. The nurses are just making him comfortable. He's still unconscious at the moment, and will be for a few more hours. I want to give him a chance to recover from everything he's been through." He walked out of the room leaving four hopeful people in his wake.

BSG

It'd been a whole day since the surgery was completed. Kara had been sitting beside his bedside for many hours now. He still wasn't conscious. She was worried about him; but she wouldn't lose hope. The doctor had informed them they'd removed the sedative from the drugs they were putting into him. That'd been the previous evening. It was now down to Lee to wake up. The doctor said he would when he was ready; when his body was ready to let him do so.

She dozed fitfully during the night, waking every now and again, checking to make sure he was okay. Eventually though she slept for several hours straight. Dreaming of him, of their time and experiences together. Dreaming of what she wanted from the future. A future for both of them. Together. She awoke, more rested than she'd been since this all began. Possibly than she'd ever been. She opened her eyes and her heart leapt to her throat. She was looking into two gloriously blue eyes. Eyes she'd thought that she'd never see again.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews. They're much appreciated and I will try and respond to everyone I receive. This is the penultimate chapter in this story - and yes there is a bit of a cliffhanger at the end. Sorry about that. :-) Just a reminder I'm not a doctor and I'm pretty sure there are plenty of medical inaccuracies in this story (this chapter especially - no doubt) - which I apologize for.

**Chapter 3**

"You're better." His voice was very weak.

"Thanks to you, yes." She smiled at him. "I should go and get the doctor."

"Don't leave." His brow furrowed.

"I'll only be gone for a few seconds. The Doc's going to want to check you over; he's worked very hard to get you to where you are now." She spoke to him softly, brushing her hand over his forehead as if to try and wipe the lines away. He made no further protests so she quickly pushed her chair out into the main sickbay area. "Doc, Doctor Cottle, he's awake."

He looked up and moved to follow Starbuck back into the cubicle. "Captain Adama, it's good to see you finally awake." The Captain before him stared at him, blinking. "You've had the whole fleet extremely worried, young man. I'm just going to check you over now." His voice was gruff but there was a hint of kindness to it.

"How bad is it?" Worry tinged his still weak voice. Kara slipped her hand into his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Let's just say, Captain, you've kept me quite busy over the last few days." He checked the monitors in front of him briefly and consulted the charts that contained all the information about him. "Well things seem to be improving steadily, Lee. A nurse will be in shortly to change the dressings. I should go and let your father know that you're awake." He walked out of the cubicle, leaving the two pilots alone again.

"We've all been really worried about you, Lee. You had us all really scared."

"Tell me what happened."

"What do you remember?" She stared into his eyes again, pulled back in by the blueness they held.

He said nothing for a couple of minutes as he seemed to be collecting his thoughts. "After you got sick, I felt really bad. I sat with you a while but I felt so helpless just sitting there hoping the Doc would be able to make you better. I had to do something so I went back to the planet. The reports from the marines said whatever it was that bit you had been removed from your arm. I went back to try and see if I could find whatever it was and bring it back for the doc so he could make you better. I landed the Raptor back on the planet, near where we landed the first time we went there." He paused, clearly tired from all the talking. His eyes met hers. "I retraced the steps your team had taken. I tried to work out where you'd been; the details weren't that clear in the report the marines made, so it took a lot longer to find where the creatures were than I originally intended."

"It was by the lake. There were some plants I was looking at; to see if there was any fruits that could be used by the fleet. I was stupid, I just shoved my arm into one of them without looking at it properly first. Next thing I knew was my arm was killing me. I radioed one of the marines and they found me. It kind of goes a little fuzzy after that for a while."

"I found the lake after about five hours of searching. I saw the plants you must've been looking at, but I couldn't find any of the creatures. I hunted high and low. I couldn't believe it, I was looking for one of them so it would bite me and they seemed to have disappeared." His eyes shifted away from her face and she looked over her shoulder behind her. Lee's father had just walked into the cubicle. She squeezed his hand, turning her face back to his. Emotion had clouded his face. The old man moved to the other side of the bed and reached for his son.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, Lee; I can't lose another son. You and Kara are the only family I have left and I nearly lost both of you."

"I'm sorry, dad. I had to do it."

The older man looked at his son intently and then flicked a glance quickly at Kara, "I know, son, I know." He understood. He didn't like it, but he understood. "I just popped down here to see that you were okay. I'm supposed to still be on duty in CIC. I'll be back down after my shift. We can talk more then." Lee nodded. "Get some rest, Captain."

"Yes, Sir." His father left the room leaving the two of them alone again.

"Your dad's right, you should get some sleep."

"Don't go. Can you stay here? I don't want to rest yet. Can we carry on talking? I'll rest later, I promise."

She gave him a small smile. "Okay, I'll stay but I'll hold you to that promise. So, you were telling me how you were looking for the creatures and they'd disappeared."

"The only place I hadn't looked was the lake itself. So, I looked in there as well. Eventually, after several more hours, one of the creatures bit me on the leg. You were right, it was really painful. I don't think I've ever experienced pain like it. Getting back to the Raptor seemed to take forever. It took so much effort not to remove the creature from my leg; anything to get rid of the pain. Once I was in the Raptor I took off from the planet and flew back to Galactica. Most of the journey is a blur. I think I flew most of it on pure instincts alone."

"Apparently you landed it on the flight deck perfectly. Not a scratch on the deck or the Raptor; even though you were barely conscious." The pride was evident on her face as she smiled at him tenderly.

He smiled back at her. "Maybe you're not the best pilot in the fleet after all…"

"Don't you frakking believe it!" she said, a hint of humour in her voice.

"Once I got back I don't remember much of anything until I woke up here."

The smile fell from Kara's face as she thought back to the events of the last few days. "You were so sick, Lee; sicker than I was. Your heart stopped… a lot, Cottle and his team had to work so hard just to stabilise you. It was your dad that worked out the creature was on your leg. You'd managed to say a few words to him in the Raptor before you blacked out. Once they found it, the Doc was able to remove it from your leg and some scientists in the fleet set about making an antidote for the toxin."

"I guess they managed to develop one, since we're both better." She nodded her head. He noticed her slight hesitation. "What aren't you telling me?"

"They gave the antidote they'd made to both of us. It worked well on me; I regained consciousness after a few hours." She looked down at their joined hands, hoping he wouldn't notice the tears that had suddenly welled in her eyes.

He noticed, but didn't comment on it. He squeezed her hand comfortingly. "I assume I wasn't as lucky?"

"No, no you weren't." She stumbled over the words slightly. "The antidote made you worse if anything. For some reason, it made the toxin begin to attack all of your major organs. Cottle had to operate on you over and over again." She traced fingers gently down the bandage on his torso. "That's what this is. He didn't even close the wound in the end; it saved time for when you got worse again." She didn't bother to hide the tears this time as they tumbled down her face. "They thought you were going to die. We weren't allowed to see you; we wouldn't want to remember you that way he said." She rested her forehead gently on his chest. "I forced my way in here. I was devastated by what I saw, Lee, you looked so ill. It nearly killed me to see you like that." He was staring at her, a stunned expression on his face. She looked away from his face. It was too painful for her to look at him.

"So, as I'm here now… something changed. What was it?"

"Your dad got through to me; made me wake up a bit. He managed to convince the Doc I could sit with you. You'd stabilised a little by this stage; you weren't getting better but you weren't getting any worse either. So I sat with you for a long time. Your dad and Helo were with me for some of it. They'd managed to tweak the antidote some and then gave it to you. Then we just waited for you to get better. I didn't think it was working for a long time, but everyone here seemed to be pleased with you." She lifted his hand and placed it between both of hers. "Finally you were strong enough that Cottle could operate on you and try to repair the damage that'd been done."

"Just how bad was it…?" His voice died off and as she looked once more into his eyes, she saw the fear creeping into them.

"He thinks he was able to repair the damage to your organs that'd been done by the toxin. Then he started working on the wound caused by the creature. He's not sure how well that will recover." She saw the shocked look on his face and squeezed his hand between hers again. "I'm sure you'll be fine, Lee. It's just going to take a while." She smiled at him encouragingly.

"I think maybe I'll get some rest now. I think it's all starting to catch up with me." He refused to meet her eyes as he spoke.

She knew he was pushing her away; she could understand why he was doing it. What she'd just told him had been big; it was a lot to deal with, she knew that and she was okay with it. It didn't make it hurt any less though. "Do you want me to stay here with you until you fall asleep?" she said in a small voice.

His eyes moved to hers for just a couple of seconds. "Would you?"

There was a hint of fear in his voice that melted her heart and sent a stab of pain through her. "Of course I will." She sat there holding his hand; looking into his eyes that were that joyous blue she thought she'd never see again. After just a few minutes he lost the battle to stay awake and once again they were lost to her. She stayed with him for a short while longer just to make sure he was actually asleep and then returned to her own bed to get some well earned rest.

BSG

Lee awoke a few hours later. He wasn't sure he felt any more rested than he had beforehand but then he wasn't sure he felt much of anything at the moment. The only things he could truly say he felt at the moment were guilt and worry. Guilt over having made everyone else worry about him so much and about using resources that were already in such short supply in the fleet as it was. He couldn't even begin to contemplate how many vital medicines had been used to treat him and he felt guilty about it. He was also worried; probably more worried than guilty. He was worried about how bad his injuries had been; concerned he may not recover. Not recovering was a real concern for him. If he didn't recover, then he wouldn't be able to do his job. Maybe he'd be moved to another position within the fleet; more as a mark of respect to his father than because he'd be useful there. Even worse they may decide he was of no use and then he might have to leave Galactica; leave HER. He recognised that what he was feeling was just this side of self pity and there was an iota of selfishness too so, yeah, he felt guilty about that as well.

The curtain by his feet suddenly moved to one side and Doc Cottle appeared through it. Maybe he could get some answers now. He took a deep breath but then stopped. Fear hit him smack square in the gut causing him to wince a little. The doctor noticed and raised an eyebrow. He tried again and after taking another breath was able to ask. "So, Doc, how am I really?" He couldn't keep the hint of trepidation out of his voice, much as he wanted to.

"You've definitely been testing my abilities. You gave everybody quite a scare, especially your father and a certain young Lieutenant."

He knew which Lieutenant was being referred to without asking. "Will I be able to fly again?" Again the trepidation was there, even more evident now than before.

"It's really too early to say, Lee. It's dependent on so many things." His face softened as he looked directly at Lee. "More than anything it depends on how your physio goes and how your injuries heal. I'm sorry I can't give you better news than that." Lee stared blankly at the man in front of him; his previous expressions had been replaced by a neutral mask that had slid into place as the doctor spoke. Cottle continued, "Considering how you were just a couple of days ago, I would say your condition has improved drastically." Unfortunately this did little to lift Lee's spirits; which the doctor was acutely aware of. "Would you like one of the nurses to go and get you anything?"

"No, thanks, I'm fine." Which was anything but true and they both knew it.

Cottle left the room, leaving a young man who was struggling to remain controlled in the presence of a senior officer. He quickly went back to his office and sat at his desk. He drew the file for the patient towards him and opened it at the most recent entry that he'd made. He picked up a pen and started to make notes. 'While the patient's condition has improved considerably physically, there's still some concern as to whether a full recovery will be achievable. There's also question as to the psychological effects the past couple of days and his future treatment are likely to have. It's my recommendation some sort of counselling be taken by the patient.'

Just as he was finishing writing his notes, he felt rather than heard someone enter sickbay. He looked up to see Bill Adama striding towards his office. "Commander, I was just going to call you." He noticed another person enter the room behind his senior officer. "About speaking to the president."

"Why did you want to speak to me, doctor?" Laura moved from behind Adama.

"It's partly to do with the Commander's son. The past few days have been difficult for him. Hell, they've been difficult for quite a lot of us. I think we need to try and find a counsellor to make available to speak to Lee."

"You think my son needs a shrink?" there was a hint of disdain in Adama's voice.

"I think the whole fleet could probably use one after everything the Cylon's have done to us, but yes your son needs to talk with someone."

"That's what he's got his friends and family for." Adama still wasn't buying it.

"No offence, Commander, but your son is not the most open of people. He needs to talk to someone about the last few days and the next couple of months are going to be even harder for him. If there's one thing your son is particularly good at, it's hiding his emotions; not letting people get too close; being an officer rather than a person. He won't let his friends and family see how he's really feeling and if he doesn't talk to someone, whatever recovery he does make will never be complete. There's too much going on in his head. So we need someone who's trained in this; someone who has dealt with this kind of thing before."

"I think you're right. I'll get my office directly onto it, doctor and we'll let you know as soon as we find someone."

"Thank you Madame President." The doctor looked uncomfortably at the man beside her. It wasn't often he felt unsure of himself, but now was such a time. He wasn't sure what the old man was thinking; he was just as unreadable as his son. "Do you need anything else, Commander?"

"No, that'll be all, Major. I'm going to go and see my son." He walked out of the office.

"He still doesn't like it, does he Madame President?" They both watched him walk across sickbay towards the focus of their concern.

"No. No he doesn't. But it's the right thing to do, and deep down inside, he knows that." She smiled at the doctor. "But he's an Adama; apparently they can be quite stubborn."

"That they can." He said, his face echoing her smile.

BSG

Lee wasn't surprised to see his father. He'd been expecting him to show up and knew it would be after Kara had gone. He'd been trying to prepare himself for this but knew he wasn't ready for it yet; would he ever be ready? His father was looking at him; the expression on his face was serious. Lee had the distinct impression he wasn't going to like this discussion. He sat there in silence waiting for him to say something.

"We need to talk about a few things, son." The old man finally said. He still felt out of sorts from the conversation he'd just had with the doctor. He looked at his son, trying to see what the doctor could.

"What do you want to talk about?" his voice was quiet, a touch defensive.

"About what happened recently; don't you think we should talk about it?" He wondered if his son would open up to him; or if Cottle was right and he would shut down.

"Is this a father/son talk or a Commander/Captain talk?" His tone was now petulant; he knew he was being childish but he wanted to protect himself from what was going to be painful for as long as possible.

This wasn't a promising start to the conversation that he'd hoped they'd be having. "Partially the latter; but I'm mainly here as your father, not your commanding officer." Bill moved his chair closer to the bed; closer to his son. "Maybe I should start by saying how proud I am of you. I know I don't say that to you often enough but I am. When I thought I could lose you it made me realise I should tell you things that normally I'd never say. I don't say them not because they aren't important or because I don't feel that way but because I… I don't know I guess part of me thought you knew how I felt."

The young man's face was shocked. "Why would I know, Dad? You're a difficult person to read. There's so much about you I don't understand. Sometimes I feel like I don't even really know you; that I've never known you." The anger was starting to rise within him.

"I know, Lee. And it's my fault." He stopped talking briefly, turning his gaze from his son. "While you were being operated on, I had a lot of time to think. I realised I was never there for you when you were a child; never there for you as a father should be. I was there when Zak was born but wasn't around when you were. I thought it was the best thing to do for the family at the time but I was wrong. I guess I never realised what I'd be missing until it was too late. I want to apologise for that. It was a mistake and if I had that time again, it'd be different."

The anger disappeared as his father spoke. For the first time he began to understand him. He thought about what he'd said for some minutes. "If things had been different, I wouldn't be the person I am now. You not being there made me grow up, made me become who I am today. If things had been different dad, I may not even have been alive today. I may have been on Caprica when the Cylons attacked. Let's face it, if things had been different, you may have been on Caprica and then what would've happened to the rest of humanity."

Bill listened intently to his son and understood the logic he was saying, "You're right." He reverted back to the original point he'd been trying to make. "Anyway, I'm very proud of you son, and I wanted you to know that. I'm proud of you as an officer; as a pilot and as a son." Emotion crept onto his face as his son looked at him. "I can't believe you managed to fly the Raptor back to Galactica when you were so ill. It was an outstanding bit of flying. The best that we've seen for quite a while."

"You might not want to say that when Kara's around." A smirk appeared on both of their faces at Lee's comment.

"True. Although I think she's as proud of you about that as I was. She probably won't admit it though." A wry smile graced the older man's face. "The Commander in me wants to reproach you for your actions but the father in me knows why you did it; and understands."

Lee struggled to find the words to respond to his father. "I had to do it, dad." His voice was quiet again; his tone almost subdued. His father just looked at him, waiting patiently for him to continue. "If she'd died…" his voice broke and he had to stop.

"Talk to me Lee."

Blue eyes turned towards the old man; emotion radiating from them, "If she isn't here, then life isn't worth living."

Bill's breath was taken away from him with the conviction in his son's voice. "Have you told her how you feel?" Lee didn't say anything; he didn't need to; it was written all over his face. "You should tell her, son." So much for his son not opening up he thought with triumph.

"She wouldn't want to hear that from me." Bill could see the walls building within his son and knew he was pulling away from him; his spirits fell. He sighed with the realisation they'd been right about his son all along. "Look at me, dad. I'm a mess. Why would she want anything to do with me? She can have anything she wants. She deserves so much more than I can give her. I won't be the one that holds her back."

"You're making a mistake, son. And don't you think Kara should be the one to make that decision?" Lee had turned his head away from his father and Bill knew he wouldn't get any further with his son. It was at times this, that Bill cursed the Adama stubbornness. Unfortunately that was something the boy in front of him had inherited from him. Most other things about him he'd got from his mother but the Adama pride had well and truly been passed on to his eldest child. He just hoped the spirited young woman that so obviously felt so much for him would be able to convince him that he was worthy of her. More importantly he hoped it wouldn't cause too much pain for either of them; neither of them were strong enough for that at the moment. Lee had completely withdrawn now; gone into his own shell. Thinking about things that'd happened to him, his dad surmised. He sighed deeply once more and then walked out of the room.

BSG

Lee's time slipped into a routine. He stayed in sickbay most of the day. After the third or fourth day since he woke up, he was actually allowed to leave there – even if it was only temporarily. Even then he was confined to a wheelchair. He was pragmatic enough to know there was no possibility of him leaving otherwise; he just didn't have the energy. He hoped that was all about to change though. Today was the day everything would begin to change; today his physio started. He hated having to rely on other people; it would be nice to get some sort of independence back.

Helo walked into the room. "I understand you're starting physio today." He perched on the end of the bed.

"Yep. It'll be good to start doing something. It can get quite boring sitting here all day every day."

"I can imagine." He looked down briefly and then back at the Captain. "How are things with Kara?"

"They're okay." He tried to dodge the question; which was something he was doing on a fairly frequent basis at the moment; something he was getting quite good at. "So, how's everything else?"

"It's okay. Busy as usual – what with being two pilots down." He smiled to take the sting away from his comment. He decided to broach the subject that had led to his visit. "So do you want some help with the physio?"

Lee was taken aback. He'd known Helo a few months and while he'd grown to respect him as an officer, he didn't really think they were that friendly. Helo was much more Kara's friend than his. But he was a good guy and Lee knew he would be a good ally in the battle that was about to start. "That would be great. I'm going to need all the help I can get."

BSG

Lee wasn't wrong. The physio was much harder than he'd anticipated and he'd known it was going to be difficult. They'd started with simple exercises that he could do to rebuild some of his upper body strength; just a few weights. Lee was ashamed with the way his body had softened since this all began. It'd only been just over a week when he started the physio and yet his muscle had lost a lot of its definition and he was struggling from the offset. They started off doing several short bursts of therapy every day. Lee was becoming frustrated with the lack of progress he felt he was making but really the improvements that were being reaped were vast – they just weren't up to what Lee was expecting.

The physio had been going on for almost two weeks now and today was a big day. While Cottle had been checking him on a daily basis, today was the day he did a complete medical on him; to check his status and see how he was improving. Today Lee could possibly have a better idea to what extent he would recover; and whether he'd ever fly again. Lee was nervous; truth be told he was beyond nervous. He was so tense as he waited for Cottle to appear to start the tests he hoped he didn't start by checking his blood pressure. He suspected that would be the end of it all and if he had to wait much longer he'd have an anxiety attack.

His dad had been down to see him earlier and he'd tried to reassure him. Lee wasn't reassured though. It actually made him worse. Kara'd been down as well. She came to see him regularly even since she'd been released from sickbay. She'd been grounded herself as well. Today was her first shift back on CAP. She was also quite possibly the one person who could truly understand how he felt. Of course that would mean he'd have to tell her how he was feeling; how worried he was. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't tell anyone. If he vocalised how he was feeling it'd be like opening floodgates and that was just somewhere he couldn't go. Not now; possibly never.

Cottle arrived and started the barrage of tests he wanted to run. Lee tried to be as co-operative as he could but he was frustrated and started to snap back at the doctor after an hour. Cottle just smirked and continued to make notes on the charts he had with him.

Lee was jabbed and poked and prodded so many times, he was surprised he wasn't covered in bruises by the end of it. After a very long and tiring couple of hours, the tests were over. Now he just had to wait for the results. His blood pressure rose even higher; he needed to vent some steam. Unfortunately he'd been barred from leaving sickbay so he just had to sit and wait. Patience was also an attribute that was fast becoming something of a problem for the younger Adama.

BSG

Cottle walked across sickbay; the results of all of the tests were in his hands. He walked to Lee's bedside. He could tell the pilot before him was nervous. Lee could swear they could probably hear his heart beating up in CIC. "I'll cut right to the chase, Lee. The results are not as good as I'd have hoped for."

"How bad are we talking?" The mask had already slipped into place.

"The main concerns I have are your leg, your heart and kidneys. The damage to both your heart and your kidneys was extensive and I'd hoped that I'd been able to repair everything but there's still some residual damage." He consulted his notes quickly. "The major problem that's facing you is your leg. A lot of the muscle and tissue on your leg had to be removed when I operated. The creature basically killed your leg. It is healing very slowly. Too slowly. I took some cell samples from the wound and sent it to the lab for tests. The tests came back and there appears to be some infection there. I want to start you on broad spectrum antibiotics immediately. I'm hoping they should have the desired effect. I'm sorry it's not better news, Lee, really I am."

Lee was numb. He didn't know how to react. He was pretty sure he couldn't. If he did it wouldn't be pretty. He struggled off the bed and got into the wheelchair which was never far from him these days. He thought with some resignation that it appeared it was going to be his constant companion for quite a while longer. "I need to get away from here for a while. I'll be back in a few hours."

Cottle reluctantly let him go. He had a call he needed to make; another person's day to ruin. He went into his office and picked up the wireless and placed a call to CIC.

BSG

Lee wheeled himself down the corridors in the ship. He kept his gaze straight ahead, refusing to meet the looks anyone that he bumped into gave him. Fortunately one look at the CAG and the expression on his face had most people scurrying in the other direction. He eventually reached his destination. The gym; the room that was growing to be his second home. He was pleased to see it was deserted. He suddenly realised it would be as it was mid-shift and most people wouldn't be here. Most people were being useful and were helping the fight against the Cylons. His temper spiked and a wave of uselessness hit him full force. He moved over towards some of the exercise machines that he'd been using in his recent physio sessions.

BSG

Kara was out on CAP; flying with Kat around the Gemenon Traveler.

"Starbuck, Galactica Actual."

"Starbuck here. How can I help you sir?"

"Starbuck, I need to you to come back to Galactica. Hotdog is en route to take your place on CAP."

"Is there a problem, sir?"

"Just report to my quarters once you've landed. Actual out."

Kara's concern increased. She was only halfway through her shift. It was definitely unusual for a pilot to be removed from CAP. Her heart sank as she realised what the Commander probably wanted to talk to her about. Lee. She'd felt Lee withdrawing from her since he'd regained consciousness. She'd tried to show him she'd be there for him but he just continued to put barriers in her way. He spent more time with Helo these days and she was growing to resent it.

Hotdog appeared a short distance from her and Kat and she flipped her Viper and began the return journey to Galactica.

BSG

Kara was numb. She didn't know how to react to the news she'd just been given. Her heart was beating at twice the rate it should be. She walked down the corridor radiating pain and anger. She finally reached her destination. She stood for a few minutes outside of the room, struggling to retain some control on her emotions. She could hear him inside the room. It sounded as if he was laying into a punch bag that was in there and she knew how he felt. Helo had set one up that he could use whilst still sitting. It'd helped him to regain some of his upper body strength.

She couldn't put it off any longer. She took a couple of steadying breaths and walked into the room. She quietly shut the hatch behind her and dogged it so they wouldn't be disturbed. She stood watching him.

"Leave now." His voice was steady but she could feel the pain radiating from him. She said nothing. He ignored her for a couple more minutes. His punches on the bag sped up and the intensity of them increased. She took a couple of steps forwards and then stopped, unsure of what to do. He used his gloved hands to stop the bag and his head fell forwards. "I told you to leave."

"Lee…"

"Go Kara. I need to be on my own for a while."

"No. I'm not leaving you here like this."

"Please Kara…" he was begging her now. Trying to get her to leave.

She walked further forward and then she was right next to him. She knelt down beside him so she could see his face through his arms that were still holding the bag in front of him. She could see the tension in his body. His eyes were shut when she first saw his face. She whispered his name. His eyes flew open at her words and she took a sharp breath in. His eyes contained so many emotions. He looked at her intently, pain evident on both of their faces. She tried to work out what he was thinking. Over the last couple of weeks he'd become impossible to read and even now when his emotions were set at Condition One she still couldn't get a fix on them. She waited for him to say something.

"I really wish that just once you'd do as I ask." His tone was resigned. She waited. She knew this conversation was building to something. She hoped that it would give her a chance to break through some of Lee's barriers. He sighed deeply. "Kara, I need you to listen to me and really hear what I'm saying." He stopped and looked at her again. She looked back into his eyes. "Please leave me alone." He punctuated each word with a tap on the bag with one of his gloves.

She finally found her words. "Lee, I know you don't mean that." She swallowed and took a shaky breath. "I want to be here for you. I want to help you."

"Help me?" He laughed bitterly and rolled his chair away from her. "I think you've been more than enough help already, thanks. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in now." Her chest tightened at his words and tears flooded her eyes. She couldn't speak, but then Lee didn't give her a chance anyway. Cracks were beginning to appear in the veneer that he'd formed around his emotions. He'd found something he could vent at. "This is all your fault Kara. As usual you acted first and thought later and now I'm suffering the consequences of it." His words were irrational but he knew they'd be having the desired effect. His voice became louder as he spoke. The look on his face had changed to one of fury. He was now almost shouting at her. "I hate you and I don't ever want to see you again. Do you understand? Am I getting through to you? I HATE YOU KARA!"

She stumbled backwards at the ferocity of the words that he sent towards her. Tears tumbled down her face. In all the years she'd known Lee, he'd never intentionally hurt her… until now. A small part of her tried to convince her that he didn't really mean it; but her insecurities which went all the way back to her childhood had been unleashed with those few words from him. She turned and pulled herself to her feet, almost running to the entrance to the room. She undogged the door and opened it so quickly it slammed against the wall behind it. She ran out of the room trying to get away from him as soon as possible.

Lee hung his head again. Slightly ashamed of how he'd just behaved with someone that he considered to be a friend; someone he had at one time hoped would be more than a friend. Now he knew that was just an impossible dream. He'd just seen to that. It didn't make him feel any better though. It just felt like part of him had died.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Well the final chapter. Thanks to everyone who's left a review - they are very much appreciated.

**Chapter 4**

Commander William Adama wasn't surprised to see her at his door. News of the scene in the gym had spread like wildfire throughout the ship. There were only three people she would turn to if she had a problem. One of those was Lee so obviously he was out of the equation; another was currently on duty in CIC and Bill doubted that she would want to pour out her troubles to Helo in front of everyone. And then there was him; the man she viewed as a father. He gestured her into his quarters. "Drink?" he asked as he waved her to take a seat.

"Please." She sat down and took the glass from him when offered. She sat there looking at it, swilling the contents slightly around the glass.

Bill sat there looking at her, knowing that eventually she'd say something. While he was waiting he studied the young woman before him. He remembered a time just after she'd come to Galactica when they'd sat in this very same position, although she seemed even more broken now than she had then which told him a lot about the strength of the feelings she had for his eldest son. Her eyes were red; he could tell she'd been crying quite a lot. He'd heard the stories about what had happened between her and his son earlier today. Saul had told him about it as soon as he'd heard the stories. He knew Bill would want to know about it straight away. He'd been told how Kara had been seen running away from the gym, obviously distressed and she'd gone back to her quarters, shutting herself behind the curtain of her bunk. Some of the crew had gone into the gym soon after and had left as soon as they saw Lee. He was just sitting in the room, staring into the distance. It was the look on his face that scared them away. If Bill hadn't been on duty he'd have gone down there to see him; he'd tried to go and see him after his shift had ended but apparently Lee didn't want to see anyone.

"He blames me for what's happened." She said quietly. Her words startled him out of his reverie.

"No he doesn't."

"You didn't hear him. You didn't hear what he said; the way he said it." Her voice shook as she spoke. "I've never known him to be like that with me before; even when things have been really bad between us."

"I may not have been there, Kara, but I know my son. He's always had a tendency to hurt people when he's hurting. After what the Doc said to him this morning, I'm not surprised he lashed out at someone. He cares about you more than anything else – there's no way he meant anything he said to you."

"I think… no, I know you're wrong, sir."

"Kara, I spoke to him when he first woke up. He told me why he went back to the planet. He said if you weren't alive, then he didn't want to be either. He's got a lot to deal with at the moment, you… we… just need to give him some time and space. Yes, he's not dealing with this very well at the moment but could you honestly say you'd be any different?"

She thought about that, weighing over what he'd said in her head. "I guess. I hope you're right." She decided to open up to the old man. She knew he was aware about how she felt about his son but she needed to vocalise it. She'd told him that she loved Lee when Lee was still really ill but she needed to say more; to admit to him. "I need him as much as he needs me. I want to be there for him; to help him through this." Her eyes shined with unshed tears as she looked at the man she respected so much. "I just wish he'd open up to me; talk to me. But he doesn't even want to see me." Again the tears threatened to fall.

Adama stood from where he was sat and moved to sit next to her, putting his arms around her shoulders and drawing her into a hug. "At the moment he doesn't want to talk to anyone." She looked at him in surprise. "I tried to see him earlier; I got turned away. Everything's going to be okay though, Kara. I'm sure of it." They sat that way for several minutes. Bill continued to hold her as her body began to shake, the tears overwhelming her once more. He sat there comforting her until her tears finally subsided. She wiped at her face to try and get rid of the tears that'd fallen.

"Do you think he'll fully recover?" her voice was still a little shaky.

"I don't know Kara. It doesn't sound that good at the moment, but I sure hope so."

"I don't think we'll survive this if he doesn't recover. He'll truly hate me… and I'm not sure I'll blame him." She turned to look Bill in the face; emotions clearly displayed on her face. "I need him to get better. As much for me as for him. It'll kill me if he doesn't."

"Just leave it for a while, Kara. He'll sort himself out; he'll try to see you, don't worry." She didn't say anything and he could tell she still didn't believe him. If there was one thing he knew about Kara, it was that she could be as stubborn as any Adama – she really was a member of the family. That meant there were two headstrong stubborn young people who hated to back down from anything. Bill's heart became heavier with the realisation that maybe he'd misjudged the situation; misjudged the situation a great deal. He was going to need help if he was going to try and get this mess all sorted out and he knew just the woman for the job.

BSG

In the history of really bad days this day completely sucked. This was the conclusion that he'd come to after several hours of thinking about everything. He'd sat for a long time in the gym since she'd left. Thinking. Everyone had a skill and thinking was his. He hadn't been aware of anything else while he was there. He eventually went back to sickbay; he knew that Cottle would send out a Search and Rescue team if he hadn't gone back. He could think in sickbay just as easily as he could in the gym. So he was sitting thinking about the events of the last few hours. One of the nurses had started him on the antibiotics as soon as he had got back to sickbay and he looked down at his arm, staring at the IV drip that'd been reattached to his arm to administer the drug. Cottle's assessment earlier had really knocked him for six and he was still struggling to deal with everything he'd been told.

His gaze shifted to his leg which remained wrapped in bandages. He hadn't realised how bad his leg actually was. He hadn't actually seen the wound within it, having refused to look at it whenever it was re-dressed. He could never pluck up the courage to look at it. Avoidance was the way to go. He didn't usually have a problem with blood or injuries – but it's a different matter when it's your wound you have to look at. Cottle's words had therefore startled him.

His mind edged towards a part of the last few hours that he didn't wish to focus on; him and Kara in the gym. He shook his head sadly and mentally backed away from those particular memories. He couldn't think about that right now; he didn't have the strength for it.

BSG

The next couple of days saw Lee restricted to sickbay while he continued to receive the antibiotics. He didn't have any visitors but he didn't want to see anyone anyway. He continued to dwell on what had happened. Every now and then his thoughts would drift to Kara again but he refused to let them linger there. The guilt he felt was increasing; he knew that he'd been in the wrong but his emotions were in such a mess that he simply was unable to deal with the consequences of his actions.

His condition was not improving with the passing hours either. The antibiotics weren't working; the infection was too strong; and getting stronger. Cottle stepped in once more after 48 hours of no improvement and decided they had no choice; they were going to have to operate on Lee again. He called the Commander and informed him of his decision.

Several hours passed before CIC were notified of his condition again. Bill had tried to pass the time during the operation by listening to the pilots on CAP but stopped after a short time. Kara was one of the pilots currently flying though so conversation was almost non-existent. Finally the wireless rang and Adama snatched up the handset in front of him.

"Commander Adama, I've finished the surgery. Your son's in recovery at the moment while the anaesthetic wears off, you should be able to see him within the hour."

"How did the surgery go?"

"I think I managed to locate the source of the infection and have removed as much of the dead tissue as was possible. This will have put his recovery back quite a bit though."

"What are his chances of flying again, Doctor?"

There was a pause at the other end of the phone and Adama's heart sank. "I won't lie to you, sir. They're lessening with each hurdle that occurs. We haven't reached the stage where he can't still make a full recovery, so there's some hope. A lot of this is down to him though." Another pause. "Has the President been successful in locating a counsellor for your son to talk to? Now more than ever he needs to start dealing with this."

"They're still trying to find someone as far as I'm aware. I will speak to the President about it. I'll be down to see him in a short while." He hung up the phone and turned to face his XO. "He's out of surgery."

"Did he give you any idea of the outlook?"

"A little. Lee himself is the main obstacle that he faces. He has to start dealing with everything. We need to find someone that he'll talk to."

"We all know who the best person is to get Lee talking."

"I know. I just can't put Kara through that again at the moment. They're both too vulnerable to even consider that. I think at the moment it'd just make matters worse than they already are."

"Then who else is there?"

"I've an idea. I just need to think it over a little more before I put it into action."

BSG

He'd regained consciousness a couple of hours ago and the Doc had told him about the outcome of the operation. Since then he'd been lying here; weighing up his options. He must have drifted back to sleep again but he was awake now. He opened his eyes and stared glumly up at the ceiling. He felt the presence of someone beside his bed and sighed internally. He slowly turned his head towards whoever it was and found himself looking into the soft, gentle face of the President. She gave him a little smile. "Captain Apollo."

"It's just Lee now, Madame President."

With that one sentence, he managed to convey a million things to her. She edged her chair forward and hesitantly reached for his arm. "I'm not here in an official capacity, Lee, please call me Laura."

"So why are you here, Laura?" He stumbled over her name slightly.

"I thought you might want to talk."

"Not particularly."

"I know how you feel, Lee." She paused and made sure she had his full attention. "I've been where you are now."

"I seriously doubt that. My career is all but over and I may never walk again. How can you possibly know how I'm feeling?"

His comment angered her and she snapped back at him. "You know what, you're pretty lucky. I got diagnosed with a terminal illness on the same day the Cylons attacked killing millions of people. I had no time at all to even begin to deal with what I'd been told. At least you have the possibility of getting better. I had no hope."

"And yet you got better."

"Exactly. I got better. If I can get better from an illness that's supposed to kill me, then you should be fine."

"That's not what I keep getting told."

"No, that's just not what you're hearing, Lee. Everyone keeps telling you not to give up and yet here you are. You've already written yourself off. You can't just give up like this. You need to fight for this. There are too many people around here that want to help you fight; that care about you." He just stared at her. "Your dad, me, Helo and Kara all want to be there for you and you're not letting us in." His eyes moved away from her face. She let the silence build between them for a few minutes. "So do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Stop frakking with me, Lee." Her words startled him and his eyes moved back to her face. He realised she was serious. "You know you're as bad as your father sometimes. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

Lee knew he needed to talk to someone. He couldn't talk to his dad and after everything else, there wasn't really anyone else available. Maybe talking to the President, to Laura, would be a good idea he thought. He continued to look her in the face and tried to mentally prepare himself. "I don't know where to start. Everything's just such a mess."

"Everything being your injuries and your argument with Kara, I take it?"

"You heard about that too?"

"Lee, the whole of the fleet probably heard about the two of you in the gym; if not the fleet, definitely the whole of Galactica." She smiled at him. "Your dad told me about it. He asked me to come and see you today, he's really worried about you. That wasn't the only reason I came, I wanted to talk to you anyway; wanted to see how you were."

"I can't believe anyone would be interested in an argument that Kara and I had. It's not like we haven't had them before."

"Like I said, everyone cares for you… and Kara. Anyway this wasn't your usual type of bickering really was it?"

"No, I suppose not. I guess everyone knows then that I was a complete bastard." He winced at his choice of words. "Sorry." The flash of a grin graced his face for fractions of a second.

"Some probably think that, yes, but the people who really know you, know what you've gone through recently and understand there's more to it."

"Does Kara know that too?"

She smiled, pleased that he'd asked about Kara. Asking showed her that he cared about her more than their fight would have anyone believe. "I don't think she really understands what she did to get that reaction from you. I think she's too close to it all to think about anything properly so she's just upset by what happened at the moment."

"I hurt her pretty badly didn't I?"

"Yes you did, Lee."

"I didn't mean to – not really. I told her to leave when she first got there but she wouldn't go. I just wanted her to leave." The anguish he was feeling was written all over his face. "When she wouldn't go, I said anything to get her out of the room. I wish I could change what happened but I can't. I don't suppose she'll ever forgive me."

She smiled at him broadly. "You two are so alike. She doesn't think that you'll ever forgive her either."

"Forgive her for what?" He was completely confused.

"You blamed her for what happened to you. You told her it was all her fault."

"I did?" Still puzzled.

"Don't you remember?"

"No. I know that whatever I said I didn't really mean but I can't remember what I said. I just remember feeling this overwhelming anger. Not at Kara. At everything – I was still reeling from what Cottle had told me."

"That's not all of it though is it?" If there was one thing you could say about Laura Roslin, she was a very perceptive woman.

"No, not really." He struggled to find the words to convey his thoughts to her once again. "I don't know how to talk about it. Since this all started I guess I've been keeping a lid on how I feel. Now the emotions I'm feeling are out of control. They're all hitting me at once and I can't deal with them."

"My office has managed to locate a counsellor for you to talk to. He's coming over to Galactica tomorrow. Do you think it'd help you to talk to him?"

"I don't know. If I can't talk to people who know me, how am I going to be able to talk to a complete stranger?"

"Maybe that'll help. He may be able to help you sort out the way you're feeling; maybe make it easier to sort out all of the emotions. I think it'd be a great aide to you and it's the next step in your recovery."

"I guess I can give it a try." He still seemed reluctant.

"That's all I can ask for, Lee." She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Now I'll leave you to get some rest. Get better soon, Captain Apollo." A small grin was on her face once more. He smiled back at her; the first genuine smile he'd made in the last few days.

BSG

After another three days recovering from the operation, Lee was finally allowed to get back to his physio. Again his physical condition had deteriorated due to the inactivity of the last few days, but Lee continued to make some progress. He'd also begun to attend regular counselling sessions with the doctor that'd been brought on board the ship. He couldn't say he found the sessions very easy; and he didn't feel he was achieving very much but they'd started to deal with some of the emotions he was feeling. Tomorrow's session was going to be his hardest so far and he could feel the tension beginning to build within him at the prospect of discussing this particular issue. Kara; or more importantly his feelings for Kara. He went to the session with a certain amount of reluctance. The Doctor was waiting for him and motioned him into the room. They sat in silence looking at each other for several minutes. The Doctor was waiting for Lee to say something; Lee had no idea where to start.

"When did you first meet Kara?" He finally gave Lee an opening.

"When I was training to be a pilot; she was in my class." He smiled as the memory hit him. "She was the best in my class."

"Were you friends straight away?"

"No. She saw me as someone who'd only got there because of who my dad was."

"So how did you end up being friends?"

"I beat her in one of the tests." He smiled even more. "That really frakked her off but she also realised I was there because I wanted to fly; because I could fly. We ended up spending more time together and became really good friends."

"Just friends?"

"Yes."

"But she's more than a friend to you now though isn't she?"

"I don't know." Silence fell once more. Eventually Lee spoke, filling the gap. "Physically we're still only friends but I've loved her for a long time. Probably almost as long as I've known her. But there's too much history between us. I'm not sure we can ever be more than just friends."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Confused, I guess. Sad."

"Do you think you can remain friends with her when you feel more than that?"

"I don't know. Everything she does makes the feelings more intense; even the smallest of things. I'm not sure I can only be a friend to her. I don't think I can remember how to."

"Have you ever considered the possibility that she may feel the same way about you?"

"She sees me more as a brother and a friend than anything else."

"You're sure about that?"

"Yes. There's no way she feels that way about me. Any love she has for me is as a friend." He almost seemed to be trying to convince himself with what he was saying.

"Why do you think it's such an impossibility for her to have feelings for you that are beyond platonic?" Lee floundered; opening and shutting his mouth, trying to find an answer to that question. "Is it that you're scared of what would happen if she did have?"

"But she doesn't." His words were quiet; less certain than his previous answer.

"Hypothetically speaking, if she did love you the way that you love her, what would you do?"

"I don't know. I never thought there was any chance of it happening, especially after she got together with Zak."

"Okay, how did you feel when she got together with Zak? I take it you had feelings for her by then?"

"Yes I did. I felt numb. I wanted to be happy for them and I think in a small way I was. I wanted them both to be happy; but it hurt to see them so happy together. I've never really thought about this before; I suppose I just tried not to think about any of these things too much; if I didn't think about it, I didn't have to deal with it I suppose."

"Do you think that now is maybe the time for you to start dealing with them?"

"My brother's dead; we've all been through so much. Why try to make things harder?"

"Maybe it won't make things harder. Maybe you think it would be because of the unresolved feelings between you and Kara."

"I still don't believe that she would feel that way about me."

"Don't or can't? From what your father and the President have said to me; from what you've said to me; I think you think you'll be betraying your brother if you were to tell her how you feel. And maybe you're a little afraid of rejection. As scared as you are that she may want to be with you too, you also think she may not." Lee said nothing, absorbing what he was being told. The Doctor continued. "I think the main problem you have is that until you face up to the way you feel about her; nothing between the two of you will ever get easier. You'll constantly be battling the emotions that are going on within you. In the process you'll only be hurting her more. Do you want to discuss what happened between you the last time you saw her?"

"You mean in the gym?" The Doctor nodded his head. "I really hurt her that day. I didn't mean to but I…" his words faltered. "I can't even really remember what I said to her exactly. I've been told that I blamed her for everything and said I hated her. How could I say that to her? I don't think that… do I?" He looked defeated.

"Try and remember what happened that day. Next time we meet, we will discuss this further."

Their session was at an end and Lee had a lot to think about.

BSG

Several more days passed and Lee continued both his physio and his counselling. He worked hard at both and he felt better for it. He'd finally regained all his strength in his upper body; this meant they could now progress to working on his leg. Cottle had re-examined him the day before and he was also pleased with his progress. His heart and kidneys appeared to have finally recovered completely from the damage. He'd need to be careful in the future but it was definitely a step in the right direction. He was also beginning to deal with his feelings about Kara. He'd spoken about her in every session that he'd had since that first time and he finally felt able to deal with it. He needed to see her – but he was going to need some assistance in order to get her there. "I need your help, Karl."

"My help? With what?"

Lee stared down at his left leg and saw again just how much damage there was to it. The bandages had been removed this morning and it'd been the first time that he'd looked at it. It wasn't pretty. He mentally shook himself and looked at the Lieutenant before him. "I need to see Kara. We need to talk."

"Like you did last time you saw her?" Helo said accusingly, still feeling protective towards his friend, even though he now called Lee a friend as well.

Guilt rose within Lee once again at these words. "No, I need to talk to her. Properly. I need to apologise for what I said; for how I treated her. Friends don't do that to each other."

"Friends?"

Dodging the question once again. "Will you help to get her to meet me? She won't come if I ask."

Karl looked at him, deep in thought. "I can try but it could take a few days. She's not really dealing with anything very well at the moment. She's tending to avoid everyone. It may take me a long time to get her to agree to meet me." Lee nodded; a look of disappointment on his face.

BSG

Karl was right; she didn't agree to meet her friend for several days and she very nearly backed out when he told her the location. The gym was not somewhere she felt inclined to go to. Memories flashed back through her mind as she made her way towards her destination. As before she had to mentally prepare herself before she was able to enter the room. She faltered when she did and found the last man she wanted to see there already. She looked around the room hoping that Helo was waiting for her somewhere within, but knowing that would not be the case. She'd been set up and she knew it. She stood where she was, almost in the same position as when she'd last entered this room.

Lee looked up from where he was. "Kara." He was met with silence. He continued to stare at her; taking in her appearance; falling in love with her all over again.

She looked at him as well. He looked different from the last time she had seen him. Her gaze drifted down and she saw his leg for the first time. She couldn't hide her reaction to it from him and he felt a stab of panic enter his mind; one that he quickly pushed away. He was balancing on his arms; utilising the strength that he'd regained. His leg was secured in a brace that the deck crew had managed to put together. It allowed him to stand up at least; but until he was able to build up more strength and muscle in his left leg so that it could give him the support he needed, that was about as much as he could hope for.

"You came."

"Yeah, well, an apparent friend of mine wanted to see me. He's not here though, so maybe I should go." She made to move her way back out of the room.

"Kara, wait." She stopped at his words, but her back was still to him. "Helo agreed to help me. I wanted to see you."

"That's not what you said last time we were here." Her tone was angry and disappointed at the same time.

"I know. I'm so sorry about that. Kara, look at me please?" She didn't move for quite a while and Lee's hope began to fade; then she turned and faced him once more, still not letting her eyes meet his. "I never should've said the things I said to you that day. I never meant them; any of them. I hope that you can believe me. I wish I could take back everything I said to you; but I know I can't. No one should ever treat anybody the way I treated you that day," he swallowed nervously, "especially not someone who means more to them than life itself." Her eyes darted to his and held his gaze; the silence building between them once more.

Lee continued to talk. "None of this was your fault and I know that. I've always known that. It was my decision to go back to the planet; nobody forced me to do so. It was wrong of me to blame you. For such a long time I've never been able to talk to you properly. Never been brave enough to tell you what I'm thinking; how I feel."

"Lee…"

"Kara, please let me say this." He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. "I've been lying to you about the way I feel for so many years that I've gotten used to it. Part of me doesn't know how to do anything else. But I need to stop lying; I need to tell you the truth." Another breath. "I love you Kara. I always have done and probably always will."

"Lee…"

He interrupted her once more. "The first time I saw you, you took my breath away. I fell in love with you that very moment. I should've told you this a long time ago but I guess I was scared. Scared you wouldn't feel the same way about me; maybe even afraid that you would. Then you met Zak and I knew that I had no chance with you. When the Cylons attacked and I was stranded on this ship; for a while I thought that maybe there was a chance but couldn't risk losing our friendship. I told my dad a while ago that if you died then I didn't want to live either. Those feelings have never lessened; they grow stronger every day, every time I see you." His voice trailed off, looking into her eyes, hoping they'd give him a clue as to what she was thinking. "Say something please, Kara."

"Lee," her voice faltered slightly, "Lee, you're walking." Her eyes lit up as she moved towards him. He looked down to where he was standing and realised that he had indeed moved several steps forward. His first steps since he had started physio. His shocked expression returned to her face and she was suddenly there right before him. Her hand tentatively came up and caressed his cheek. Wrapping her other arm around his shoulders she pulled him into an embrace. Using her to maintain his balance, he repeated her actions, pulling her as close to him as he could. She whispered gently to him. "I love you too, Lee. I always have."

They both knew they would be okay. After everything they'd been through, their friendship; their feelings for one another hadn't changed, had in fact strengthened. Anything that was thrown at them now would only make them even stronger. Lee loosened his grip on her and pulled away to look into her eyes. She looked back at him and smiled. Her hand that'd been caressing his face earlier had moved to the back of his neck. She pulled his head forward and their lips met gently for the first time. A kiss that conveyed the feelings they felt for each other. A kiss that grew deeper as time passed.

They knew that they'd do anything for each other; be there for each other at all times; whatever the cost.

The End


End file.
